New Friends

I want to go home. Not that I don't like it here, I do like it to some extent because I get to fall into a routine. But I don't like it because everyone I know is back home.

I bought myself 3 new "friends" for Christmas. For 144RMB. At least they make me smile.

I have named them: Wally, Congo and Gladys.

Although the giraffe is from the cartoon Madagasca, I prefer to give it my own name. I remembered there used to be this comic book called "Where's Wally" or "Find Wally", something like that. It's this tall skinny bespectacled man who would be amongst a huge crowd and you're supposed to spot him. The giraffe reminds me of that character so Wally he shall be.

Congo is so uncreative, but I'm thinking Michael Crichton. Besides, I don't want to give her a crappy cute name. Congo's got some character.

And Gladys, is from my poem "The Cow Who Fell to Earth". Unfortunately she's landed on her butt and can't stand up anymore, hence she is perpetually in that position.

There, I'm not having such a bad time.

At least I'm not THAT alone on Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Pretty Women

Zhou Xun reminds me of several people from different angles: Zhao Wei, Shuqi and Sylvia Zhang. Didn't really think much of her till I saw "Perhaps Love".

In "Perhaps Love", Jacky makes Takeshi's singing sounds bad. In fact, Zhou Xun makes Takeshi sound bad too, especially when they were doing a duet. I'm not sure if Takeshi actually has an album, but if they even sell, it must be because of his good looks. He sings like he's talking and he talks like he's reading off a book.

I don't have anything against Mr Drop-Dead-Gorgeous. I think he's got nice features that combine to make him look presentably good, but he's never really made me swoon the way David Beckham did (before he got married to Posh). He's really not my type although I must say his new hair cut gives him a slimmer jawline. Perhaps I'm just more discerning now. If you're not intelligent, I'd let it pass if you sound the part. Unfortunately, dear Beckham is neither. So sorry dude, even though he has crossed the boyish stage to exude manly charm now (with all that Gilette advertisements and being a father of 3), my heart has stopped fluttering for him.

Anyway, this is not about Beckham. *rolls eyes*

I think Zhou Xun is pretty. Big eyes, petite physique (like a Blythe doll?) and I like the way she speaks. She looked like someone with a bit of a rebellious streak in her, which is very attractive because it's incongruous with her image in the movie. In "Perhaps Love" I particularly remembered the scene where she woke up in her empty bed in Beijing after a night of rekindling old times with Takeshi, to a tape recording of how he used 10 years to get back at her and that all the passion from the night before were faked. Her expression of bliss and content from opening her eyes turned to shock. She used none of her facial muscles, just the look in her eyes, and I could instantly connect with that feeling of betrayal, of feeling cheated, lost, despair and simply the inability to believe or rather the refusal to believe that the man she loved and loved her could hurt her so deep.

I felt it. Deep.

Deja vu.

The worse a girl can ever feel is to have a man tell her he's only been fooling with her, or suggest that none of it was real, when everything about them had seemed so genuine.

Takeshi left her, went to the airport, regret and ran back to look for her at home. But of course she wasn't there.

When he did find her, the scene was so powerful, they didn't have any dialogue, (I didn't think it would have been necessary) and my tears rolled along with Takeshi and Zhou Xun. Their embrace was so pregnant with his remorse and her relief and floundering faith.

Hurting the person you love most seems to be something everyone has faced at some point in time.

Now now before this turns weepy.

The other actress who caught my attention recently is the Japanese female lead in "Last Samurai". The one who had her husband killed by Tom Cruise. The sister of Wantanabe in the movie. She is, the perfect epitome of an ornament because in the movie, she hardly have any lines, but she's such eye candy, it's refreshing to see a flower amongst all the armoured men.

Now she reminds me very much of a delicate version of Gong Li, who is so gorgeous I have no misgivings if my partner wants to gawk at her.

But it better stop at that.

My wish is to age as beautifully as Gong Li and emanate the same womanly aura of Maggie Cheung.

We'll see.

;)

A New Orleans

Maybe New Orleans can brand itself as a trailer city.

So visitors who come can experience what's it like to stay in trailers instead of hotel rooms.

I read with sympathy the bleak Christmas most residents at New Orleans are going to have. Shops are having a hard time resuming business and people are living off trailers and hotel rooms paid for by the government. Rebuilding efforts are slow because it takes too much to accomodate for protective barriers. Tourists are few.

I wonder how would everyone feel if they realise the trailer is going to be their home for the rest of their lives.

It may not be the wisest decision, but imagine the branding of a city as one with abundant trailers. The way Las Vegas is a casino-cabaret show branded state, New Orleans could take on a new branding, that will draw visitors back and dilute the unrestored state of a previously glorious city. So instead of focusing on how this was a disaster zone, turn it to their advantage and make it an important place to come and experience something not found in any other states.

That is, with reliable weather forecasts in place.

The point is, with technology and strict monitoring I am sure people can be informed if they should prepare to evacuate the region in light of an impending hurricane. So teams of school children can choose to shorten their geography expedition and steer to safety ground. I remembered reading vaguely that most people there knew something like that would strike, but still refuse to leave their hometown. Their loyalty is admirable but given the experience of Katrina, I hope many have wisened up and sufficient infrastructure is in place for these people to evacuate.

Now either the new branding, or get down to building quality homes and hurricane shelters. The way bomb shelters work. Every home should prepare for a hurricane shelter. Those who live in high rise should have a communal hurricane shelter located near their apartments. So people hide underground and wait till the wrath is over. I'm not sure if technically it can be done, or will water seep underground and drown people in the hollows. Is there no way to safeguard oneself against hurricanes other than leeves which can only serve to lessen the impact but not protect entirely?

I don't know, but my heart goes out to all the victims from this disaster and I seriously hope the world's superpower can devise some intelligent plan soon to solve the problem.

Comfort Food

Cedele by Bakery Depot actually makes Lavendar and Almond cookies!

I've always been curious how lavendar tastes as food. A friend once told me only Hokkaido has lavendar ice-cream and that it's so good I must try. So imagine my excitement when I stumbled on home-made lavendar ice-cream when I dined at Embers at Keong Saik St some time back.

It's weird, especially since lavendar is more commonly known for his aromatherapeutic purposes in essential oils, candles and bath products. When the smell hits you before you put the ice-cream in your mouth, it just didn't seem right to be eating my body lotion. I remembered the ice-cream was a tad too sweet, but otherwise, I liked the way it reduced me into a zen state of calm. I'm not exaggerating, take a whiff of lavendar and you just immediately feel the "ahhh-sensation".

I vaguely recalled having come across an article in Life some time ago about using lavendar in food. In it, there were some places recommended where you can go to try them. I didn't pay much attention, so it was another by chance I stumbled on Cedele's lavendar and almond cookies. For a pack of I think 5 or 6, (I'm left with 1 now, can't remember), it comes in a zip-locked style bag so you can maintain its freshness. Now it's very brittle, not sure if it's because of the cabin air or they are just like that.

I love it! But it's an expensive treat, costing S$5.50 for a packet. Which means 1 cookie cost nearly a dollar and more. You don't exactly taste lavendar, I guess it combines our sense of smell and taste. It's not very sweet and I don't feel "gelat" eating it the way sometimes chocolate chip cookies would. It's my source of comfort food here, but supplies are running out. 1 cookie is not going to last me a week.

Oh no, it's lying on my table staring at me. I'm not even sure if it's going to last me the next couple of hours as I sit here talking about it.

Ok, actually I really want to have a glass of hot pi pa gao now.

Oh did I mention that the cookie has an almond centre?

韩国偶像剧

夏天上北京时买了两本短篇漫画，名为“狼的诱惑”。漫画里的主要人物都画的非常好。女生都长的清秀，眼睛大大，嘴巴小小；男生都是瓜子脸，高高的鼻梁，水汪汪的眼睛，　还有稍微长的头发。一眼看去，还真不知道是男还是女。

故事很简单。两个流氓同时爱上一个转校生。一个是少女杀手，打架一流，长的英俊，一副蛮不在乎，傲慢的态度。另一个是比较调皮，潇洒又爽快型但就是常惹是生非，又不是很会打架。这位是女主角（后来才知道）的弟弟，但自己偏偏爱上了姐姐。少女杀手起初是为了想和他作对而故意要和女生交往。结果假戏真做，三人为了感情，姐弟关系的事闹了不少，卷起了误会。

这个简单的故事拍成了一部韩国电影，看上去根本就是偶像剧，只不过，除了那位演少女杀手的演员之外，其他两个主角样貌真的不怎么棒。

看了这部几乎两个小时的电影，我不禁想起了自己将主演的偶像剧。真的还蛮兴奋的，一直想做功课，似乎有些忽略了这次来北京的目的。我一直在内心里寻找戏里的女主角，想想要怎样让她从文字上活起来，要怎么演，才会新鲜，才会扣住观众的心。现在大概有个概念，因为略看完了剧本，但我还想在让她更立体。总觉得每一场戏出来的时间不长，所以要在那几秒中里呈现一个很清楚的人物还真不容易。

有几场戏，我真的被感动了。在飞机上边读边流泪，真有些丢脸。感情的事总是让人又乐又悲。其实故事也不复杂，相信有人肯定会有类似的经验。当一个人必须从中作选择时，总是会怕伤害其中一位。

爱分很多种，就好象“狼的诱惑”里的女主角：一个是她爱的男朋友，另一个是她爱的弟弟，而两人对她的爱却是一样的。不过在她知道她有个弟弟之前，她对两人的感觉也摸不清。

有时后，面对抉择时，真的是要问问自己到底要的是什么？愿意牺牲的又是什么？

时间拖的越长，三个人的麻烦就加深。

最后，弟弟只能盼望来生不要再和她当姐弟。

她的选择分明多了。

反正希望在拍新戏的时后，能把同样在飞机上感受的感情投入戏里。

Worn out

Preparing for a trip always kills me the night before.

Am I just last minute or is it just something that everyone goes through the night before they fly off?

Anyway, I feel so tired but there's still a lot undone -- like planning my itinerary, sorting out my interview questions and looking at the shots I need to get.

I've got them written down, but they're all over the place.

There's so much to do but there's only one me. It's fun, but yet sick, cos' I wish I had more energy and time.

My eyelids are weighing down on me, I need to make sure I pack my notes.

Till then.

I'm in love...

With this customised Blythe doll.

*sobsob* She's worth a whooping $350 US dollars!

I think she's just absolutely gorgeous. But Blythe dolls have this effect on people, you either love them to the core, or find them hideously ugly. Unfortunately, I'm one of those mesmerised by these big-head dolls with changeable eyes. I think it's such an ingenious concept to pull a cord and have the colour of her eyes change. And don't scoff at this multi-million dollar industry (a typical 12-inch doll costs more than S$200!) That is without taking into account the manufacturing of parts for the dolls, from clothes to shoes to bags, accessories, eyeballs, wigs, yes, and even boyfriends. *haha, in the world of dolls, boyfriends are but just another fashion item* The collector's market is a massive money-generating machine.

Speaking of Blythe, I don't think she's got a boyfriend made for her, she's too cool I reckon. Pullip and Barbie are the girlish ones with male partners -- Namu and our all-time favourite Ken.

That's why even though Barbie and Pullip are the conventional pretty dolls, I am more interested in Blythe because of her personality.

Hang on, am I beginning to sound psycho?

Dolls with personality?

Err...I meant the personality and image her makers created for her.

*oops*

Yes, I'm a victim of branding and advertising.

But count on the Japanese to invent something like that. In fact, some dolls even have a list of their hobbies and favourite things!

Anyway, I'm not obsessed with ALL Blythe dolls. Because I have to say, some of them really do look they could be an extra on one of the "Chucky" series of movies, but this particular one, which has been modified just exudes attitude and nonchalence. Red hair on pale skin is always a winner. So I'm impressed by her "doctors". This was how she used to look:



Yes yes, dolls can go for makeovers too.

Hmm, I should like to name the red-haired babe "Momo". Inspired by Club Momo at Mohammed Sultan (if I didn't remember wrongly). Not that I've ever stepped foot or seen the club, but I've heard about it enough to think it's a yuppie hangout, so quite "class" la. And look, how many people, (okay, in this case dolls), can carry off a name like "Momo" without sounding retarded?

Now before I start sounding retarded.

Back to packing.

Of trains and locomotives

I love Chris-massy type cartoons and movies, because there'd always be snow. And battery operated train toys as Christmas presents.

I watched the "Polar Express" just the other day. It was a story about how a boy who didn't believe in Santa Claus had his faith strengthened after taking the Polar Express, a train that was bound for North Pole. But what really caught my attention was one of the last few scenes, when he was awakened on the morning of Christmas Day by his sister, to find the living room strewn with presents, including a battery operated train running around the Christmas tree.

That was one lovely train, even though it was computer generated. Still, I'm sure such toys exist in reality because I have seen it in one movie or another, just that I didn't exactly pay close attention to it.

I think it'd be nice if a children's room can have the railway track running on a little shelf nailed to the wall all around the room, so once in a while, you can set the train in motion and just watch it go in circles. I'm not talking about those wooden or plasticky-looking kiddish trains. Not even those modern bullet train types. I'm talking about antique locomotives with fake smoke, bells and the "chugging" sound. Oh, and mine would run on solar energy.

I don't know what's the point in that toy, but for me, it creates a mood and serves as an ornament more than anything educational. Somehow, such toys doesn't seem to fit into our culture. Maybe because we don't really see such trains in our country. Railway tracks yes, but steam locomotives, hardly.

What's with my fascination with kids stuff like dolls, musical carousels, books and cartoons?

Sigh.

I may think, talk, behave like someone beyond my age, but it just occurred to me that maybe I'm just a kid at heart.

I want to have my fun, I want to do silly things and get away with it. Perhaps I'm finding an outlet to make me forget the pains of being an adult, of what's it like when people are less forgiving for the things you did, because one thing about kids, they never judge.

Maybe I'll start a pre-school for children, and make sure all my teachers speak proper English and Mandarin to them. Hell, I might even throw in French, Italian, Japanese lessons if budget and class size allows.

Sure they may be a pain sometimes, but if you start to cultivate good manners and social etiquette from young, it'd have a long-running effect.

Like the train that goes round and round and never stops.

Looking the part

I received a call from my manager today. She didn't say anything new because I've probably heard it from fifteen other people since I returned to work.

"You need to look after your skin, don't eat too much when u're in Beijing, stay away from the sun, look good..blah blah"

Because I'm doing an idol drama.

Worse, I'm paired with a male lead who is everything I am not.

Spokesperson for a particular custom-made for your skin-type beauty care salon, he's got good skin, a skinny frame, fair, chiselled jaw and effeminate facial features to complement it all. Think Japanese anime.

It's crushing because I'm not the Vivian Hsu type, whom I think would pair up with him beautifully.They'll make such a gorgeous couple and I can see the halo and clipped wings in an i-weekly photo shoot already.

Now the dude is 2 cm taller than me, which is highly dubious because I don't remember him to be THAT tall the last time he sang on a variety show I hosted. Then again, from my previous drama experience, heights of male counterparts are normally overrated, so I don't really count on it. Now the only problem is, he's short for a guy and I'm tall for a girl, so put us together, I'm probably going to look the domineering one.

Which is not supposed to be in the drama. At least not how I pictured it from the script.

Sigh.

I saw a Polaroid picture of me at variety wardrobe today. It was one taken quite some time ago when I had my short hair. I looked like I was a failed auditionee of catwoman. Anyway, I looked real skinny in the picture, with a skeletal frame supporting a rather big head and a black eye mask with two cut out holes where my eyes peeped out. It reminded me of Victoria in Tim Burton's movie "Corpse Bride", only without the boobs and long hair. Which if you seriously try to picture it, isn't sexy nor appealing as a woman.

But okay, my jawline was defined and my features were sharper then, so much so that rumours circulated that I had a nose job. FYI, losing weight on the face tend to make certain features like the cheekbones and nose stand out more. I guess that was what happened.

Now how to want your cake and eat it too, without suffering the consequences?

Life's not that pretty.

Well, the me then would probably look good with the male lead of my upcoming drama. After all, how wrong can two anorexic-looking people look together? I bet we would even be labelled compatible cos' we will spot similar hairstyles (that is if he hasn't changed his from the last time I saw it).

Unfortunately, (fortunately for me), my new found curves have tipped the compatibility scale. It just doesn't look right visually when the girl is bigger, or looks bigger than the guy. And by that I don't mean fat. I just mean in terms of the physical frame. It's like pairing Lin Zhiling with Nicholas Tse. It just won't look as good as Cecilia Cheung and Nicholas Tse, even though all of them are good-looking people. But put Lin Zhiling next to Yao Ming, or Ken Watanabe and you get a nice comfortable match in terms of physical size.

I mean, why don't his manager ask him to eat more, get a tan and bulk up to look more like a stud? Or perhaps get bone extensions to make him taller?

Sorry, but I don't want to sink into androgyny like him.

I am moving into a womanhood (and very glad of it), and a woman will start to develop child-bearing hips. It's a biological thing. And because men have a trunk-figure, they'll never be pear-shaped no matter how hard they try. So it becomes easy even for a babe like Jessica Alba to look big next to this dude.

Oh well, why do I bother? After all, the duty of casting is not mine, so if we're physically incompatible, it's not my fault. If I wear flats and still look taller than him, I won't apologise for his short-coming.

Gee, suddenly I feel so grateful that I could still wear heels in "Destiny" and not stump our leading man. Local breeds have done us proud! I say this because I actually had to avoid wearing jacket suits and heels so as not to over-dominate our foreign guest actor for the same show. No wonder he walked funny. I guess he was trying to look more domineering.

I have been taught to mind my manners, so I shall do whatever I can to look every part the lovable, cute-idol-drama-type female lead.

Besides it's not like I can throw a diva bitch fit and demand a Huge Jackman-type replacement for the male lead, because I'm sure they're rather swap me for a Halle Barry or Jessica Alba Asian equivalent.

So I guess I'll shut up, and get over it.

Shop-a-holic

I really wonder how some people can afford to go shopping every month and accumulate so many branded items consistently. It made me realise there must be a lot of rich people out there. Either that, or the money spent on these items is traded off for something else like savings.

I love bags and shoes because they last longer, but I can never fork out more than S$200 for a pair of shoes or a branded bag. I'll browse, and eye, and covert, sometimes I'll even go to the boutique, look at it when it was first launched, look at it when there's a sale, but still not buy it in the end. I just can't bear it. So I really wonder how people can pay $10 000 for a Birkin bag. Imagine what can be done with that amount of money.

I went shopping today. I haven't exactly shopped for the sake of shopping for a long time. I took a tour of Gucci at Paragon, which was very much like walking into Topshop, because there were lots of people browsing, trying, picking, buying and paying. i noticed a sale personnel attending to a rather slim and young lady, dressed in a simple black spaghetti top and jeans, who was asked to sign on the sales receipt. And there, lying on the leather booklet was a Platinum American Express credit card, that was, I swear I'm not exaggerating, GLEAMING at me. It's sparkles threateningly like diamonds do. I totally respect. It's not a platinum card for nothing and indeed a mark of status symbol. The card is almost speaking on behalf of the owner: "Hey look, I earn minimum S$100 000 a year. Beat that! *upturned nose*"

Anyway, I was out of there in less than 5. Popped over at Markeplace and bought some ingredients to make a healthy, well-balanced salad. I must have spent an hour there because I was reading every label and looking for healthier choices.

Yes, I am watching what I eat now, because I'm reading a great book on how to diet right. Crash courses never work long-term, starvation and over-exercising is not sustainable and so the key is to maintain a regular, well-balanced diet that is feasible. One of the important things I need to learn is what are simple and complex carbohydrates and while white bread has a high GI, wholemeal or multi-grain bread has a low GI which is good because the body takes longer to break the glucose down, resulting in a lower chance of excess being stored as fat. Then there's how weight loss is achieved through a greater output of energy than input, but that's only short term. In time to come, ur body will adjust your energy requirement to the lowered level that you've been consuming, and when u can't keep up with the exercise, because now u have to do even more to achieve the weight-loss result, u end up putting back the weight u lost and even more.

I'm very much enlightened.

Anyway, back to shopping. I finally went to Far East Plaza after more than half a year! Totally unbelievable. There's a new section added to the 3rd floor with at least 7 more shops than before, all small and carry interesting items that you have to really plough through to find something different. I can't bear to think how much I spent there, just on the third floor, but for that amount, I probably still can't buy a Gucci leather boston bag. So, it's not THAT much.

Oh well, at least I'm happy.

But very tired.

I'm off to replenish my energy and start work.

Good night.

Finding sunflowers

I wonder why it's so hard to find plastic sunflowers. The kinds with dark centres. I would think they're quite common, but other than having seen it at one flower shop at Marina Square, all the rest I've passed by don't seem to have them.

I found out:

Seeds of sunflower can roasted and ground into a fine meal for baking or used to thicken soups and stews.

Dye is extracted from hulls and petals.

Face paint can be made from dried petals and pollen.

Oil, that extracted from the ground seeds by boiling, is used for cooking and hair treatment by some Native American tribes.

Medicinal uses included everything from wart removal to snake bite treatment to sunstroke treatment.

Sunflower petals are poisonous, so they shouldn't be eaten the way their seeds can be.

Jurong Bird Park use sunflower seeds to rewards birds training for the All Stars Bird show.

Isn't the sunflower simply amazing?

Peanut Butter anything

I've just come to realise I really do like peanut butter.

For instance, when I pop by Subway, I am always tempted to buy 2 peanut butter cookies, although I can easily finish 4. But I've noted that every 2 Subway cookies meant an additional 1 kg on the weighing scale for me, so I consciously try to avoid going to Subway, or if I do, I try not to be the one ordering but if I don't have a choice, my last resort is to pray they're out of peanut butter cookies.

I had a peanut butter gelato today at Bugis. I just felt like it and so I hecked what my hairstylist said about my body looking trim but my face being fat (ten minutes before I popped by the stall), and got myself a double scoop of gelato, which isn't really that much because they squeeze them all in a small cup. Besides, they don't sell it in single scoop. So for $3.80, I was delightfully treated.

I remembered I used to eat bread with peanut butter and cheese. I will spread the peanut butter (no nuts type) and lay the cheese, and then put the bread in the oven toaster, so the cheese will melt and when u bite into the bread, you get this crispy crust on the outside, but this chewy-gooey-oozey filling from the inside. Weird combination but I like it so much I could eat it everyday!

Then, there's my favourite Yami Yogurt in natural flavour, with peaches, strawberries and peanuts. I don't know what made me choose that combination the very first time I tried Yami Yogurt, which was probably 4 years ago, but I've since fell in love with that concoction.

I will be so miserable if one day I'm allergic to peanuts.

A Carousel Ride

I'm a sucker for carousels. Maybe because it conjures a child-like romanticism that is innocent and untainted.

When I think of carousels, I think of a theme park on a spring night, with the smell of candy floss and popcorn filling the air, music and warm lights, queues of children and adults, some having hotdogs, some with sticky fingers chuckling and talking.

I remembered very vaguely as a child, having visited Clarke Quay, (when they still had the advernture boat ride attraction where you take a boat and go through the tunnels which has exhibits on both sides meant to scare you a bit) and going on a carousel. That was my first time and I've not been on one since. Well, excluding the time I was made to sit on a painted horse for a picture at Luna Park in Sydney for the supplement shoot, I have never actually completed rounds on one. So I am romanticising what it'd be like to be on a carousel.

Recently, I bought a musical carousel from a pushcart at Suntec City. It's handpainted and very pretty (and expensive too!). I like listening to it and watching the horses rotate. It just makes me happy. The way sunflowers do. If money can buy happiness, this is one example of how it did.

I was just thinking, it'd be fun to start a collection. So by the time I'm old and wrinkly, I'd have an antique collection of carousels from around the world!

Hmm...I chanced upon this website and picked out my top 8 favourite carousels. My favourite is the one featured in the last picture on the top row, because the carousel is inside the carriage, which makes it different.

Because I'm so in love with carousels, I'm writing a play with it in mind.

I'm stuck at Scene 2.

Sigh.

If I have a kid...

I'm so going to spoil my child when I do have one next time.

Whenever I walk into Borders, or even second-hand bookshops, I love to go to the children's section and look at children's literature. It's such a challenge writing for children, especially when you ought to be clear which age group you are writing for. Obviously there's a difference between a 6 year-old and a 10 year-old but how exactly does the language or genre makes this distinction is the tough part. At Borders, they have sections which house books specifically targeted for certain age groups, but the point is, the whole children's section is so cozy, I could spend an entire afternoon there just choosing books for my child.

Recently, I went to a San Bookshop at Plaza Singapura and was so tempted to pick up Roald Dahl mature fiction books (not the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory type) for my brother. But I have a feeling he's started out too late. Now he ONLY reads Harry Potter and he's reading the latest edition a second time! Whatever for, I have no idea. I thought he might be keen on Chronicles of Narnia, because after all, the movie's gonna be out soon. But sadly, after personally reading "The Magician's Nephew" and "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe", I do not think C.S. Lewis is a good writer, and so I told him to forget it.

It's not just that the language used is simple, or that the content is very fantastical. It's the WAY the story is written. It's just bad, in my opinion. It does not follow one character's thoughts and observations through and as a result, I'm just not drawn into the story.

I'm sure the movie will be much better from the bits of trailer I caught.

For me, I grew up reading Roald Dahl's "James and the Giant Peach", "Matilda", "The BFG", "Glass Elevator" and he is a remarkable children's story writer because there's fantasy (a giant peach for goodness sake!) mixed with childish imagination and good language usage. You may beg to differ, but I'm sure that had a part to play in formulating my interest in literature and story-writing today. It's a pity my brother grew up in the age of computers and handphones and wasn't exposed to books enough.

In Beijing, I went to this massive 7 storey bookstore and as usual, hit the children's literature section. If Borders fails to accomodate for Chinese children's books, that Beijing bookstore failed to accomodate for English children's books. There are plenty of comic books, and short stories on maxims, old Chinese history and such. It's very interesting because a lot of Chinese phrases we use have a story behind and since all children like stories, it'd be good to have them learn from a young age, before they start forming preferences.

So I say, if I ever have a child, I think I'd designate a children's library room in the house, that will have English, Chinese and language books, dictionaries, pictorials, puzzles and so on just for kids. And if it's a big house I stay, and I'm retired, we can have reading sessions on weekday afternoons where neighbours with children can come over to read and play for about 2, 3 hours. That is, if they are either home-schooled, or not old enough for school.


There I go, romanticising again.

I'm 22 for god's sake and I'm thinking of what I'd do when I retire!!

But by then, I figure things would have been different.

Hmm...who says I can't dream?

It's the year-end holidays phenomenon, where children's musicals and plays are being held at various theatres around the island. My brother's a little too old for them, so I keep thinking who I can bring to watch "Snow Queen" and "Oi, Sleeping Beauty" amongst many others. These are great family bonding events that is both entertaining and educational.

So if I have a kid, Christmas presents will be books and performances like these.

Oh no, do I sound like one of those moms who'll bombard their kids with too many activities?

I guess maybe it's because there weren't such choices available to me when I was a kid and I kind of want to make up for it in my child. Expose him/her to as much as possible because after all, kids have sponge brains, so they can absorb a lot and learn faster. And when he or she is old enough to discern, having been exposed to a spectrum of disciplines can allow him or her to choose their preferences more effectively.

If I have a choice, I'd rather not subject my child to the local education system because although it's good, anything within an institution always (I think) tend to promote conformity, which stunts a child's creativity and development. Besides, I've seen how kindergarten or primary school teacher speak to children -- in broken English -- "Wait for teacher outside", "Can one", "You eat already or not?". I'm sure it's the same in Mandarin. And as it is, Chinese is only another subject in school. So as a child, how can he or she master both basic languages effectively if what he or she listens to are inaccurate pronounciations and poor usage of grammar? We can't blame Singaporeans for having Singaporean-slanged English and Mandarin because that's how the new generation is taught.

I'm not being snobbish or atas, but every mom wants the best for their child.

It's only natural.

Container Living

I was reading December's issue of Vanity Fair, which by the way, is not trashy magazine, and was totally fascinated by the idea of nomadic architecture achieved by making a home out of steel cargo shipping crates. Yes, those we see stacked at the PSA in Singapore.

This could just be one of the answers to today ST's Saturday Special Report on "Hotel Homeless".

I am appalled at the cost of living in Britain and wonder why isn't the government doing something to provide cheap housing for its people? I mean, would you rather have people sleeping in parks and underground walkways?

Well, if they can't build proper houses to cope with the rising homeless people, then have such temporary shipping crates rented out to these people at very low costs, because after all, it's only a small living and sleeping space they need. It's like a hostel, where they have common bathroom and common pantry/kitchen and each person. Depending on how much they can afford for rent, can have one compartment to themselves, or just a bed. I'm sure there's plenty of space in Britain to place such massive shipping crates.

Then in the meantime, the government can think of building blocks of hostels for these homeless people, rent them out at low costs, and for those who are unemployed, they can be responsible to upkeep their own hostels like wash the toilets, sweep the corridors and so on.

But of course, it's always easier said than done.

5 things I Want For Christmas

1. Sunflowers
I like those with dark centres. Long stalks. They just make me happy. Even for a while.

2. A personal assistant
a. Preferably tall, dark, handsome and brooding --> other than for my viewing pleasure, he can charm and negotiate with the facility hirer, caterer, printer and all things related to my FYP.
b. Proficient in English and Mandarin --> so he can write my press releases, media invites, edit my English foreword, translate into Mandarin and send out letters of appreciation to all who's helped in the project.

3. A new right shoulder
So I don't have to put up with the perpetual ache and pain.

4. A paint job for my Alife
My beloved baby has served me for a good 10 months now and somehow mysteriously developed many fine scratches on its body. With a paint job, it'd look as good as new.

5. A clone
So I can truly take a break while she live my life for me for a while.

Recreation-less

Since I'm back, I've been swamped with the reality of being home. Which means, an erractic schedule and lots of yummy food to tempt my taste buds.

My dad just showed me the newspaper article on the terrible weather in Beijing, which is -9 degrees Celsius. I probably can't stay out for long in that case, but I still have to go. My only concern is being stalled at the airport or along the highway.

This is one year I am not in tuned with the X'mas season. I've always loved X'mas for all the shopping malls are beautifully decorated and Christmas songs fill the atriums. Shopping bags are much prettier and it's always nice to see people having presents wrapped and ribboned. It's the hustle and bustle of the whole festive mood that I love to be part of. But I reckon it's because I've been away for some time, and haven't actually gone X'mas shopping this year that caused my sense of detachness. Or maybe I'm just trying to brace myself for 25th Dec being just another day in Beijing.

I'm tired everyday, and yet I don't feel my weariness is justified. Maybe because I haven't actually done any work. That is, I can't quantify what I've done in a day.

Today I went location receeing, and I've set my sights on The Gallery at the Arts House. The only problem is, rental is going to so bust my budget. For a weekend booking, I will probably need to set aside a minimum of 10K, excluding set up costs. I'm writing to them and hoping for the best, otherwise, I'll need to look at either cutting costs in other areas, get more sponsors, or change location. Then again, that is if The Gallery is available for the time frame I am looking at.

I've gotten used to doing things alone, and this new found independence has upped my maturity level a tiny notch. Still, it doesn't mean I don't enjoy company. Sometimes, it's about finding the right companion. My time is never fixed, so is my mood, so for instance today, I wanted to just throw back my heels and watch a movie at 7pm, but walking into the cinema alone just didn't seem that appealing. I much rather head home to be in the company of my brother who's addicted to Maplestory. So I did. And had to contend with consolidating my accounts for my trip, work out the budget, send emails to public affairs people regarding location rental and fretting about my story angle.

Sigh.

I do feel a little old. Old acquaintances at work who haven't seen me in a long time commented on how I seem to look different. A lot less bubbly and girlish, more mature and womanly. A couple of them commented on my face. One asked if I went for plastic surgery because I just don't look like me. Maybe it's the long hair.

Maybe not.

On the contrary, some fellow colleagues are looking better and more radiant.

GLOWING was the word used to describe them by a close friend of mine.

On the 4th, my make-up artiste told me my skin looks tired.

I FEEL tired.

I don't know where my energy has gone. I don't know why I'm no longer in high spirits.

Maybe it's the time of the month.

Or maybe I need some recreation to rejuvenate myself.

Double sigh.

Some people say it's good that I lay off drama for now, give me time to recharge and when I get back to it, it'd be a fresh appearance.

Now I'm not so sure. Because really, did I stop working to re-charge?

I stopped working because I had exams.

After exams I had to do my FYP. Now that I'm back from Beijing, I'm working again. And then it's back to FYP on the 20th and then back to drama in Jan and then back to FYP in Feb and then back to drama in April and then back to exams in end April, and then graduate in July and back to work.


How does that make me "lucky" (as some colleagues echoed) that I don't have any dramas lined up, I don't know.

At work, you may concurrently be holding on to several projects, let's say 2 variety shows and 1 drama. Your time has to be shared by these 3 groups of people. On top of that, you have the occasional requests to make an appearance, sing a song, or play some games. But bear in mind, you only need to know when you need to turn up for what, then make sure you know what you need to do, whether it's memorise scripts or learn a song, because everything is pieced together by a group of hard workers in the artiste management. Which means, you don't have to personally negotiate how to divide your time for these commitments.

For me, I am my own manager when it comes to all things related to school. From setting my own deadlines, to talking to the right people, working on the content, producing the end product. All these while making sure artiste management is well aware, so they can work out my work schedule around this.

If you ask me, I think I have a tougher job to handle.

So, give me a break about my zits, my contours, my weight, my hair.

Life's not as easy as it seems and I'm beginning to feel the reigns around my neck.