Taking things for granted...

The recent discussion about our service industry and standards have led me to realise one thing -- we tend to take things for granted. I have to admit that I too, fell under the spell of complacency, so much so that a simple "thanks" lay buried under my diaphragm. And the worse thing is, I wasn't even aware of my lack of manners, until a friend very kindly brought it to my attention.

It happened some time ago, I don't remember exactly when, but it must have been one of those times when we were having dinner. My friend took a paper napkin, broke a pair of disposable chopsticks and laid it on my side of the table for me. And although I knew the action took place, and that he didn't really have to do that for me, I did not show appreciation nor any form of acknowledgement of the "favour". And so, my friend very politely reminded me that.

I was embarrassed because hey, he's right. I didn't use to be like that. So what happened?

And then, suddenly, it was like my ear wax melted and I could so obviously hear words of courtesy. I noticed he was never stingy with his "thank yous" to the waiters and waitresses who served our table and subsequently when I muttered "thank you" to the waitress pouring ice water for me, I was surprised at how strange those words sounded on my lips. It was then that I realised that I must have stopped using it for some time for it to seem foreign.

It really doesn't take that much effort to say "please" and "thank you" but somehow, we just tend to forget, or perhaps for some, don't see the need to. Maybe we unknowingly form expectations of what people should be doing for us. Maybe we neglected it once because we were too engrossed in our conversations, and then twice and then gradually, it became a habit to "forget". I don't know and I'm not in any position to offer a psychological explanation for it. But whatever it is, there is NO EXCUSE.

To many us, we are probably not even aware of the absence of such words of courtesy, but to those who make it a habit to say "please" for requests and "thank you" for favours, the lack of etiquette in our verbal communication stands out jarringly. For me, it is now a conscious habit to be aware of the little things people do and to acknowledge their effort, so much so that it disturbs me when I see people around me don't show gratitude or appreciation.

Just the other day, I met a couple of girlfriends for coffee, but my real aim of arranging the gathering was to pass them some little souvenirs I got from my recent trip to Beijing. For the record, I don't make it a habit to look for souvenirs when I'm abroad because sometimes I just don't find anything meaningful to bring back. This time, I stumbled on some things I thought they might like. I hand picked the items according to what I thought was most suitable for them, and when I came back, I had them wrapped in paper tissue instead of leaving them in the plastic bags they came in. They were gifts with much thought and love, so naturally, I expected some kind of appreciation for the effort I've put in.

It's always nice to receive presents, whatever they may be, and I thought we should remember that when people do present gifts, it is something they are not obligated to, but did it out of a certain emotion they felt towards the recipient. So you can say I was disappointed when there was not a word of "thanks" for what I did.

I am not advocating sweet pleasantries and undue formalities, especially among friends and family, because then we might end up being contrived, which is worse. The key is being grateful when someone puts in the extra mile for us and really, all it takes at most, is 2 words. It is all that is needed to make the person on the receiving end feel valued.