Schnoodle, Poolky Wanted

I'm surprised that cross breed dogs are not popular in Singapore. I mean, pure breeds are so common, after all a chihuahua is a chihuahua, and Schnauzer A doesn't really differ much from Schnauzer B in terms of its looks, if we're talking about the same class (not comparing Minature with Giant that is). Really, there's just so much you can do in terms of grooming to make your dog look different. But cross breeds, now that's different. It's what they call designer puppy, and in this time where I would think everyone wants to have the latest something (gadget, handbag etc), I'm surprised the trend hasn't caught on. Why settle for a schnauzer when you can get a schnoodle or a silky terrier when you can get a poolky? Besides, cross breeds are so much more intelligent. It's like how my school teacher used to say, the more diverse the genes of your parents are, the smarter you will be. Same thing applies.

Sure, they seem to have ridiculous-sounding names, but they are internationally recognised!

I was quite disappointed when Eric from Pet Movers told me it's not likely they're going to cross breed because of the lack of demand. I guess there're only this many people in Singapore, and even less people who'd be good dog owners, so in a way, I agree with him that it just isn't a wise decision to mate for the Singapore market. Which means, in my attempt to find my toy/miniature Schnoodle, which is more common than the toy/miniature Poolky, I'd probably have to either 1. Import from overseas, or 2. Place an ad and hope that some owners in Singapore will decide to do an accidental mating.

So this is my first step to placing a personal ad. Anyone with cross-bred puppies, you are most welcome to leave a comment. :)

Sigh...Lubby.

Facing Reality

With the end of the deadline, the winds have ceased blowing, the leaves settled back to ground. I seem to fall into a static pace, waiting for time to pass, waiting for something to happen.

There are a lot of things I don't want or like to think about, primarily to do with stepping out of the academic institution and into the working world. I want to take the time off to do what I really want to do, because for a long time, I have been waiting for this day. The day u truly finish your 16 years of education and enjoy what the outside world has to offer, before coming back to work the rest of your life away.

Because once it starts, you really can't stop.

It's somehow easy for the same people who have comforted me through those days where I toiled day and night working at my final year project till I was completely drained of mental and physical strength, to forget that I really deserve a break after all this. I need the time to myself, to see the world, and get away from all that, rather than be reminded of what I have to do for myself to get ready for the working world.

I'm only woman, not machine.

I want someone to share my enthusiasm and my excitement of travelling and seeing the world, not remind me of the monotonous, but nonetheless important, stuff I have to do, because really, that can wait.

FADING AWAY: My Photo Exhibition

I've been totally whipped by the exhibition. Thankfully it's only 3 days because I certainly can't imagine myself gallery sitting for a week. I'd be so embarrassed to trouble my dear friend to accompany me too. Well, today is the last day, hopefully more enthusiasts will turn up. And then it's all out for the report for the next few days! God, this is so scary!

Anyway, for those of you who might want to know how to get to Sculpture Square, here are more detailed directions for you:

1. Take MRT to Bugis station.
2. Look for Breadtalk or Mos Burger at Parco Bugis Junction. Exit the building.
3. You will be facing Liang Seah Street.
4. Turn right and walk towards library@Central.
5. At the first traffic light junction, cross the road and turn right. The entire street is Middle Road.
6. Walk all the way down (probably 150m or so), Sculpture Square is on your left while you'll see Fortune Centre facing it on your right. Sculpture Square has a chapel that has the image of a Chinese man.

I Love...

Lubby. Isn't she absolutely adorable?
I'm totally in love...
Oh man, I want a silky-terrier-poodle mix puppy from the same parentage!

Final days before departure

All the plans that Corinne and I had made for our future had to be junked. It was hard not to lament that one of the big reasons we'd sacrificed so much time together, across so many years, as I traveled the world and worked ungodly hours -- namely, so that on the other side of it we could enjoy a prosperous retirement together -- had been a tease, only we hadn't known it. In my wallet, I even carried a photo of the dream spot to which we planned to retire -- Stone Canyon, Arizona -- but that dream was gone now. Same with all my other personal goals for 2006, 2007, and every year after that.
--- Eugene O' Kelly, Chairman & CEO of KPMG (US) in Chasing Daylight

The other day, I was once again waylaid at Times Bookshop on my way to Esplanade Library. This hardcover book was placed right near the entrance and having recently finished reading Pigtopia in hardcover, I got very tempted to pick this up and browse. It moved me to action.

I began reading this morning, and the paragraph left a huge impact for the entire day. It is true, that many of us put things off and shelve them for a later date, because we believe that we will come to it later. Some of us work so hard now, because we think there'll always be time to enjoy it later.

I confess, I'm guilty of the latter thought.


But in Chasing Daylight, I was reminded to plan what I would do with the final weeks before I die. I thought about it, and it frightened me, because I'm not ready to leave.

I don't know which is worse, dying in an accident or being told you only have 3 months to live. I reckon the former will be most painful for the loved ones around me, but the latter is worse for me.

With shock and abrupt departures, there'll be regrets aplenty. When you are actually given time to plan how you are going to spend the last few weeks of your life, you have that opportunity to finish the final tasks and leave no one with regrets.

Even then, will I be ready?

I know time will never be enough.

I wonder, had Eugene known that he would have to go at a certain date at a certain time on a certain month and year, would he have been less of a businessman and more of a husband and father. Would he?

For a man like him who plans months ahead due to the nature of his job, I believe he would have a clear strategy how to live out his years if he had he known how long it would be.

The book is a strong reminder for me, how not to take my life and the lives of those I love, for granted. And maybe sometimes, we really should let go of some commitments, take time off to do the things we really want to do and, spend time with family and loved ones. Because you never know. There might not be a tomorrow for you to make up for it.

Time for attachment

There are 2 seasons in my calendar.

One for breaking-up and one for getting hitched/married/attached.

Break Up Season starts in August and ends with the year. Hitch Season will start in the new year until beginning of July. After which there is a one month lull period for couples who are contemplating break up to actually do it come August.

Now of course we're in February, the month of LURVE. Friends around me are suddenly happily attached (again), with the girlish giggle at the mention of "my boyfriend". Then there's Lilin and her second baby, a boy this time! And of course a handful of people getting engaged, married or have gotten married in some part of the island. It's certainly a season for celebration.

The other day, an acquaintance started to drop the phrase "my husband" in our very casual conversation and I vaguely remembered there hadn't been the mention of that at all last year. We aren't that close friends, but we get along so it's no surprise I do not know of her engagement much less marriage.

"So how do you feel being married?" I asked her.
"The first night in our new flat, I cried! I wanted to go home to my mother's place. 28 years I've been living there and now I'm suddenly in a strange environment," she replied truthfully.

Which makes me wonder, is there really joy in marriage?

Another girlfriend who was there suggested to go shopping. And the just-wedded galfriend said, "Cannot la, now must support the home. Still paying for the flat. No money to even go honeymoon."

The liabilities and commitment of a union...

She looked at me very seriously and said, "You really must save to get married. It's very expensive. The flat renovation already about 20K..."

Erm..ok.

The other day, a doctor I went to started asking me weird questions about marriage and pregnancy. He wanted to find out if I'm someone who would get married and have babies. Sure why not?

"Imagine your figure will go haywire."

Erm...that's ok, I'll find a way to get it back.

"Okay....imagine a baby, who's head is so big (uses his hands to show me the size), squeezing out from your there...not scared ah?"

Err...of what? Isn't there suppose to be rather elastic?

"Hmm...okay...imagine you will have ugly stretch marks."

That's ok, I already have them anyway.

"Oh but that's different, it's really ugly, and ur skin will be loose and sagging, not scared ah?"

(Looks at him in a ridiculous way) No.

"Basket, didn't manage to scare you."

But of course all this was before the news about how this woman's pelvic bones were crushed from giving birth to her huge baby. Which reminds me very much of the book I just finished called "Pigtopia" by Kitty Fitzgerald. It's so good I think I'm going to read it again. In fact, I think schools should make this the new secondary literature text instead of her previous "Charlotte's Web".

Anyway, I digressed. It is quite intimidating, the idea of supporting a life in that tummy and the life commitment to it.

Urgh...all this pregnancy and giving birth talk is making me nauseous.

That very same day at my hairstylist salon, while I was having a hair treatment session, he started telling me about this place I should go for my honeymoon. And you know how expressive hairstylists can be, so he was just going on and on about this place in Papua New Guinea and what I can do with my husband there. When he left the room, the lady working on my head started giving me her own suggestions of where to go and then after a while she asked me, "End of the year ah?" I went like what? She asked, "You getting married end of the year?"

My head almost slipped back into the sink.

"TO WHO?"
Well, now you can imagine how EXPRESSIVE my hairstylist was to give her the wrong impression.

It's scary. Imagine if someone else was listening in to our conversation and misunderstood the way she did? Rumours will be rife of my secret engagement or something.

It is all a little too far-fetched for now. Honestly, it is a massive decision to make getting married and/or having babies, something which I am still quite intimidated by the thought of.

But then, as the just-wedded-galfriend said, after spilling the truth of her stress of marriage, "It's different when you're marrying someone you love la."

I guess so. I'll tell you when that happens.

Strawberry Shortcake

Sweet and all things nice.

Just what I need.

Some childhood memory jolt of dolls that have a scent.

I wish I was a kid again.

Crashing waves

I pushed the board out into the sea and heaved myself onto it.
Dog paddle.
I dug my arms into the water, working against the current.
The further from the beach, the greater the thrill.
I slipped.
I can't feel the seabed.
Track water.
I got up on the board.
And then the waves came crashing down.

There comes a time when everything seems to be tough and you just wonder how you'd ever plough through all that mud. And after a while, you get on track and things start to pick up.

It's not so bad after all.

Just when you are on the base of your curve to climax, everything falls apart.

Everyone I care about or who cares about me are all away or going away.
Someone will be flying somewhere, someone currently flying to somewhere or someone has already flown to somewhere. Then, a dear friend has fallen terribly sick.

It's like someone suddenly decides to take away all the people dear to me and put them far far away.

Just when I need that shoulder to lean on.

Just to cry.

Because a sturdy shoulder beats a soggy pillow anytime.

It never occured to me how much a friend means to me, until she told me she was leaving. Even as she said those words, the gravity didn't hit until much later. I didn't think it mattered but it did.

A LOT.

We were good enough friends for me to pour almost all my woes to her -- work, school, friendship, relationship matters, she's probably been through them all. Until recently, things shuffled and work demands piled on me. We didn't spend as much time as we did before. But she's always been there. And I must have taken it for granted.

Then she said she was leaving.

Just leaving from where she is right now.

I didn't probe because if I was to be told, I would be.

The dynamics of our relationship has always been me telling her stuff. She was my listening ear. My grumbling confidant. She never seemed to have any problems, or even if she did, it wasn't something she would share openly. I respect that and it didn't matter to me. She may not be perfect, but she always tried her best for me and I never did tell her how much I appreciated that.

I'm sorry for all the times I was difficult.

I don't know what else to say except that I am filled with a kind of unexplained sadness. It's not like we'd never meet again forever, but I guess things will really be different.

I am on my own now.

I really hope, from the bottom of my heart, that whatever she needs to do, wherever she needs to go will not take too long.

Because I am going to miss her very very much.